Guiding Women in the Art of Loving Themselves. Learn~Heal~Love kellieresue.com While in the midst of really shitty toxic relationships, I lost a great deal, at times even all, my ability to even recognize my power, self worth, & intuition. At times it was beat out of me, other times it was manipulated out of me to the point of feeling crazy and more often it was the silence, the painful words or looks cast at me; that left me feeling lost, alone and utterly incapable of figuring it out or that I was even worth the effort to try.
Whew! I have to take a breath, maybe you do to....... Here is the happy ending; I did figure it out, I was not alone (contrary to how someONE worked hard to make me believe), and I rebuilt that relationship with myself and my absolute knowing, my intuition. I started to trust myself again and I do trust myself now. Before you trust another, you’ll need to reconnect with yourself & trust yourself again. When we experience a difficult break up especially if it's from an unhealthy relationship; we naturally question ourselves, our decisions, our state of mind & sadly our worth. Isn’t it interesting how handfuls of people can express love, gratitude, faith in us but in an instant one person’s decision to treat us poorly or not be in our life (or Even our decision to move on & mutual decisions) can launch us into a narrative of us being unlovable or unworthy.
SomeONE may have stopped loving you, treated you like crap & YOU ARE STILL LOVABLE; both things are true. Duality is difficult to understand in a hurt state so we hold onto the negative of the two. When going through painful experiences and beginning to heal. It’s important to challenge these thoughts (that will become feelings, then beliefs) with facts and with all the handfuls of loving relationships we have. I call this Facts vs. Feelings and it’s one tool to handle these contradictions.
Look, the truth is I showed my family and friends that I was fine, everything was okay and even amazing; so of course I felt alone, I created (and in many ways had to for survival) that isolation. I was embarrassed, confused, scared, determined to NOT be_____; fill in the blank with whatever cycle you don't want to continue, so you try harder, love better, love differently, walk softer on the eggshells, clean more, smile more, get more silent, hide at work, behind being a mom or dive into hobbies or cater to every possible need or way to not get anyONE upset......ugh, I get it, I understand; it's a horrible and terrifying place to be.
So of course you don't trust yourself, you allowed yourself (for a variety of reasons) to be treated so poorly, to choose such an unkind hurtful person; why in the world would you think you can make a better choice for yourself. Well, I am here to say that you can, once you calm the chatter, that mean girl inside of you telling you how messed up you are (really echoing what others told you to keep you small and shaken)
you CAN TRUST YOURSELF AGAIN. The truth is, you will begin to see how you were taking care of yourself and your intuition was there all along, giving you messages; she never left you and she is still there, your inner knowing, you can trust yourself again, you can!! It takes time, and making those micro-decisions for yourself daily; that leaning into loving and trusting yourself again, one decision at a time.
The courage I see people living by trusting themselves & others again after hurt is impressive. We have a great resilience as humans & sometimes we just need a little time & support to remind ourselves of that. For now; recall relationships that you experience love, laughter, loyalty & reciprocity in. Ask yourself what you need to show up loving for yourself. Express gratitude
for those relationships & get curious with yourself about your next best step.
(This information is for educational and coaching purposes; this is not therapy. This is the property of Kellie Resue & Connection First Consulting,LLC. Individuals and Organizations are invited to share where appropriate while citing the above as it’s source. If you are in crisis, seek assistance immediately by calling 911 or seeking a medical/mental health provider)